REintroducing "Raindrops to Renewal"

"If by sharing my experiences with Christ, even one other person may find hope in a time of chaos, faith in a time of doubt, or strength in a time of weakness, the ministry will have been worth it."

A whole 18 months. That's how long it has been since I've blogged. And what an 18 months it has been, filled with some of the biggest changes of my life. You would think this would be the time I would turn to my writing, my escape, sharing what I've learned throughout this journey. Well...you know how that goes. Better late than never, right?

When the "Great MS Relapse of 2012" hit last March, things went all topsy turvy. New reality entered our life. Wheelchair. Inpatient rehab. Making sure home was "handicap friendly". Total dependence. You would think I was a mental and spiritual mess, but I wasn't. I was fantastic! I had been preparing for total consecration to our Blessed Mother in the month leading up to my relapse, and actually made my consecration in the hospital. Prayer was the center of my life. I was filled with the Holy Spirit and was walking the walk with Christ. (Well, technically I was rolling and then hobbling, but you get the picture.) My faith was carrying me. It was beautiful!

The rehab and recovery continued throughout the summer, and by the time all was said and done I was walking unassisted. I was happy and relatively healthy. I had made it through! Christ had truly carried me! I was stronger than I had ever been spiritually and mentally.

I made the decision to begin working part time because the uncertainty of my relapses made it hard for me to commit to the classroom. As a college instructor, I felt strongly about being present for my students in class and hated that my classes fell to others to finish in the Spring. The university graciously allowed me to continue my work advising student journalists and I accepted the cut in pay. It would be tough, but we would manage.

As the fall semester began, I told myself I would use my newfound "free time" to grow even deeper in my faith. I would go to daily mass. Attend Eucharistic adoration. Revisit this blog which I had neglected during my relapse and recovery. But, like many well-intentioned Christians, I fizzled. I was enjoying my strength and energy that I had gained from my new MS treatment. I found myself not feeling like I "needed" the extra prayer time. I still had my regular prayer relationship with God, but I did not dive deeper, instead allowing things to be as they were. I was kind of like a child who says "I do it myself!!!" (That may be my next post!)

Almost a year has gone by and it has had its ups and downs. Thankfully. most of the year has been filled with ups! But as I sit here reflecting on the 18 months past, I know that God was allowing me to try hard to do it on my own. I needed to feel "independent" after having a time of such dependence. Over the last 3 months or so, I have felt like something was missing. Sure, life has had its changes...the kids need me less yet more at the same time. Relationships have changed. Students and co-workers dear to me have come and gone. I left the classroom and new finances have become a reality. I started a very new MS treatment journey. My spiritual directors, one by one, moved to Florida. It has been a crazy year, so feeling like something was missing seems understandable. So I decided to regroup. And what was the first thing I realized? I CAN'T do it myself. What was missing was that deep, intimate relationship with God. I know He was there all the time, and I never stopped loving Him or talking to Him. But I stopped relying on Him. I needed to go back.

After speaking with a friend, I was encouraged to start my blog again. I had stopped partly because of life and partly because of my own insecurity that what I had to say wouldn't be of relevance to anyone. But then I realized that it is of relevance to ME. Blogging is therapeutic for me. Writing has always been my escape.  And it brings me closer to my Savior. If by sharing my experiences with Christ, even one other person may find hope in a time of chaos, faith in a time of doubt, or strength in a time of weakness, the ministry will have been worth it. So today, I reintroduce to you "Raindrops to Renewal," a blog that will provide devotional insight based on God's word. It is centered on finding your faith in the midst of life's storms. Maybe one day I will write daily devotionals, but for now I am aiming at a couple of times a week.

PS: The regular blog posts/devotionals will not be lengthy or self-focused like this. This particular post was just an explanation of why I've been absent and what pushed me to start again.